Tomorrow the baby will be 7 weeks old.
She is beginning to smile, and starting to get on a schedule (we need to get her to sleep within 2 hours of her waking though.) This kind of outlines some good advice http://www.troublesometots.com/are-you-keeping-baby-awake-too-long/
My hemoglobin levels are too low. It sucks because anemia feels like depression to me, and I don't want to have post partum depression. Part of why I don't want that label is because it makes me feel like I made a big mistake or did motherhood wrong somehow. Getting diagnosed with PPD just... would happen to me. I mean, typical. The girl who got the fox to deal with anxiety in grad school must end up with a mood disorder post partum. Of course. Of course the snarky one who never particularly liked babies was not transformed into the ultimate earth mother as soon as her little human emerges.
I think I remember a glow, a fascination in the first few days. I remember feeling like it all wasn't real, and having to convince myself that I really did deliver my baby, that I was no longer pregnant and didn't have to dread labor anymore. But as the weeks wore on, and breastfeeding was difficult- the most difficult thing I'd ever done, I remarked at one point- our dyadic existence was increasingly grim. The baby got heavier than my anemic arms could carry.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Nesting
It's becoming quite real.
I had an ob apptmt this Tuesday, and was told that at this point, there would be very little worry or extra preparation necessary if the baby showed up early. Today I'm 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant. And little Bear's little lungs are getting close to done, suckling reflex is ready. Now it's just a matter of cute-ing up with pudgy baby fat and maybe hair, and brain development (which will all continue no matter what).
In other news, yesterday was the school field trip, which I opted out of. I graded and got my bangs trimmed, and went to Target to stock up on popsicles (90*F!) and cleaning supplies.
I got a scrub brush and last night had a ball squatting and kneeling to scour the shower floor of mineral deposits with scrub brush and toothpaste (I'm avoiding harsh fumes, and mint appealed more than vinegar, so it seemed logical at the time). The weird part of nesting is how satisfying it is. I was more comfortable on hands and knees scrubbing the heck out of that poor shower than I was laying on my side, reading. I realize part of this is due to the weight of uterus and baby hanging forward instead of compressing side abs, all the more reason to keep up with prenatal yoga practice. But another big part of it is the activity, and knowing that I'm getting something done that needs doing. The satisfaction of seeing ivory appear from under rusty iron and calcium, and knowing that our home is that much more ready to have a tiny new human in it.
I also found space in my winter clothes underbed storage for the professional clothes I'd left on the baby's changing table, and folded and packed away the extra linens and comforters previously cluttering up the bedroom. Ah. The baby space reclaimed, I slept.
Of course, this morning J set the fox's harness and leash on the baby changing desk and I kind of lost it at him with a shocked "That does not belong there! You are getting LEASHgerms on the BABYthings!" Which, to be fair, the fox leash does go everywhere, mainly the ground where dogs relieve themselves, and never really gets washed. It might get wet but rarely soapy, and has it ever had a thorough sterilizing autoclavey run through detergent and high heat? No.
Anyhow, J admitted that we shouldn't set the harness there, and I scurried to remove the offensive thing, place it in its home by the front door, then promptly washed the whole desk. I was about to start washing all the furniture in the room, when I realized I had to go to work.
At this point I'm pretty sick of my job obligations. While I grade and organize my year's lesson plans, the kids are off scot free. I am trying to turn that into motivation to finish. Once it's done, it's done. But cleaning to procrastinate has such a strong pull lately, that it's difficult to resist the draw of a scrub brush and soap bucket. Which reminds me- what I really need is baking soda.
I had an ob apptmt this Tuesday, and was told that at this point, there would be very little worry or extra preparation necessary if the baby showed up early. Today I'm 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant. And little Bear's little lungs are getting close to done, suckling reflex is ready. Now it's just a matter of cute-ing up with pudgy baby fat and maybe hair, and brain development (which will all continue no matter what).
In other news, yesterday was the school field trip, which I opted out of. I graded and got my bangs trimmed, and went to Target to stock up on popsicles (90*F!) and cleaning supplies.
I got a scrub brush and last night had a ball squatting and kneeling to scour the shower floor of mineral deposits with scrub brush and toothpaste (I'm avoiding harsh fumes, and mint appealed more than vinegar, so it seemed logical at the time). The weird part of nesting is how satisfying it is. I was more comfortable on hands and knees scrubbing the heck out of that poor shower than I was laying on my side, reading. I realize part of this is due to the weight of uterus and baby hanging forward instead of compressing side abs, all the more reason to keep up with prenatal yoga practice. But another big part of it is the activity, and knowing that I'm getting something done that needs doing. The satisfaction of seeing ivory appear from under rusty iron and calcium, and knowing that our home is that much more ready to have a tiny new human in it.
I also found space in my winter clothes underbed storage for the professional clothes I'd left on the baby's changing table, and folded and packed away the extra linens and comforters previously cluttering up the bedroom. Ah. The baby space reclaimed, I slept.
Of course, this morning J set the fox's harness and leash on the baby changing desk and I kind of lost it at him with a shocked "That does not belong there! You are getting LEASHgerms on the BABYthings!" Which, to be fair, the fox leash does go everywhere, mainly the ground where dogs relieve themselves, and never really gets washed. It might get wet but rarely soapy, and has it ever had a thorough sterilizing autoclavey run through detergent and high heat? No.
Anyhow, J admitted that we shouldn't set the harness there, and I scurried to remove the offensive thing, place it in its home by the front door, then promptly washed the whole desk. I was about to start washing all the furniture in the room, when I realized I had to go to work.
At this point I'm pretty sick of my job obligations. While I grade and organize my year's lesson plans, the kids are off scot free. I am trying to turn that into motivation to finish. Once it's done, it's done. But cleaning to procrastinate has such a strong pull lately, that it's difficult to resist the draw of a scrub brush and soap bucket. Which reminds me- what I really need is baking soda.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Transition
Last night at another gorgeous sunset I wept for the ghosts of our current space. Change is coming, and though a year away, I know this will be our last summer in this happy place where we loved and studied and thrived and hoped, were newlyweds and will be new parents to our newborn...a child who won't even remember our happy little apartment next to the park. A child who will definitely change my amazing, happy marriage. I am so grateful, and so apprehensive.
Change is good, but change is hard, but change is good.
On NPR yesterday there was a story on the author who wrote "where the wild things are" and the speaker pointed out that childhood is hard. I remember childhood being hard, too, not because of anything my parents did or didn't do, or anything particular to my experience, but just because change is hard, and as a child you are in constant transition.
Your clothes don't fit, your friends are in metamorphosis, you are challenged and learning at every step, even your family might be growing, so your role shifts as new siblings show up and you acquire new responsibilities. And I remember that being difficult to deal with. In my own family, just when we hit a lull, a few years in elementary when I might have stayed in one school and gotten to know routine, we moved to a different country.
I want to remember that challenge, and be compassionate when my baby shows up and goes through changes. Our awesome childbirth teacher pointed out that people sometimes sarcastically say "oh it's so hard to be a baby" when infants cry or fuss, but... it is! and for your own family to fail to acknowledge it can make it harder.
I need to be more compassionate toward myself, too; I've had a rough week, physically- don't worry, everything is fine, but- my body is so different than I'm used to. I take up more space than I ever have. I have to move slowly or risk pulling a core muscle, or getting lightheaded. I'm too tired to do anything with my hair (oh, so I have to stand in front of a mirror? and put my arms above my head the entire time? no thank you), so I've been feeling pretty frump. But (as my lovely husband reminds me) my body is accomplishing something right now. Something amazing. It is growing a healthy human, a whole human being! and that is quite a resource sink. So if my skin is dry and itchy on my belly and my face breaks out, well... that has to be ok.
In sum, the difficulty of transition deserves compassion. I can love my current apartment and my future baby, and not love this week of pregnancy or the prospect of finding a new home, and acknowledge that progress isn't just about finish lines or total bliss or gleeful novelty. It can also be about saying goodbye to good things.
Change is good, but change is hard, but change is good.
On NPR yesterday there was a story on the author who wrote "where the wild things are" and the speaker pointed out that childhood is hard. I remember childhood being hard, too, not because of anything my parents did or didn't do, or anything particular to my experience, but just because change is hard, and as a child you are in constant transition.
Your clothes don't fit, your friends are in metamorphosis, you are challenged and learning at every step, even your family might be growing, so your role shifts as new siblings show up and you acquire new responsibilities. And I remember that being difficult to deal with. In my own family, just when we hit a lull, a few years in elementary when I might have stayed in one school and gotten to know routine, we moved to a different country.
I want to remember that challenge, and be compassionate when my baby shows up and goes through changes. Our awesome childbirth teacher pointed out that people sometimes sarcastically say "oh it's so hard to be a baby" when infants cry or fuss, but... it is! and for your own family to fail to acknowledge it can make it harder.
I need to be more compassionate toward myself, too; I've had a rough week, physically- don't worry, everything is fine, but- my body is so different than I'm used to. I take up more space than I ever have. I have to move slowly or risk pulling a core muscle, or getting lightheaded. I'm too tired to do anything with my hair (oh, so I have to stand in front of a mirror? and put my arms above my head the entire time? no thank you), so I've been feeling pretty frump. But (as my lovely husband reminds me) my body is accomplishing something right now. Something amazing. It is growing a healthy human, a whole human being! and that is quite a resource sink. So if my skin is dry and itchy on my belly and my face breaks out, well... that has to be ok.
In sum, the difficulty of transition deserves compassion. I can love my current apartment and my future baby, and not love this week of pregnancy or the prospect of finding a new home, and acknowledge that progress isn't just about finish lines or total bliss or gleeful novelty. It can also be about saying goodbye to good things.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
32 weeks
Today is the last day of my 32nd week of pregnancy. I'm going in for my ob appointment this afternoon, and I am looking forward to hearing Bear's heartbeat again.
I'm told Bear weighs 4 lbs now, has a hippocampus for memory formation (though for how long these memories last, no one knows), is making more judicious movements with its little feet and arms... well, that may be true, I just got kicked in the rib.
Speaking of rib pain. Oh my gosh. This weekend I pulled a muscle reaching to get a glass of water (not even picking it up, mind you, just reaching a tiny bit) and could hardly move the rest of saturday and most of sunday. Luckily I had already cleared out my little white desk and cleaned it for its new purpose as a changing table, so I felt like I'd made progress. On what, you say? Nesting. This past Saturday I also finally made a master list of all the things that are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY* we finish before the baby arrives. Sunday I watched J clean out the closet in the den, giving extremely helpful suggestions from the floor and making more lists of storage containers we must acquire to tame the clutter that remains after recycling old computer parts and papers.
Had a super awesome idea for storing extra media cables: magazine holders. In practice, it is amazing, space efficient, and handsome. Post on that later.
*Nesting is totally a thing. I am fascinated and maybe a little bit disturbed by how determinedly my brain is focused on preparing for the arrival of Bear. I have always been a clutterbug, despite my love of hygienic spaces, and have never before minded a stack of papers here or there (or everywhere). So long as I was sure the food prep surfaces were disinfected and my laundry was clean, I didn't care if anything was put away in its home (because maybe that chair is its home?). I am not neat. But now that I am in my last trimester, I am obsessed both with cleanliness AND with organization.
Also to note: in my 31st week we painted our room (which we'll be sharing with Bear) and now it feels like forever ago. I will have to post pictures of my pregnant self up on a ladder freaking out the neighbors and my parents. For the record: we used zero VOC paint by Behr (for Bear!), which was very low odor while wet, and within 24 hours it smelled like nothing. And looked. Amazing.
I'm told Bear weighs 4 lbs now, has a hippocampus for memory formation (though for how long these memories last, no one knows), is making more judicious movements with its little feet and arms... well, that may be true, I just got kicked in the rib.
Speaking of rib pain. Oh my gosh. This weekend I pulled a muscle reaching to get a glass of water (not even picking it up, mind you, just reaching a tiny bit) and could hardly move the rest of saturday and most of sunday. Luckily I had already cleared out my little white desk and cleaned it for its new purpose as a changing table, so I felt like I'd made progress. On what, you say? Nesting. This past Saturday I also finally made a master list of all the things that are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY* we finish before the baby arrives. Sunday I watched J clean out the closet in the den, giving extremely helpful suggestions from the floor and making more lists of storage containers we must acquire to tame the clutter that remains after recycling old computer parts and papers.
Had a super awesome idea for storing extra media cables: magazine holders. In practice, it is amazing, space efficient, and handsome. Post on that later.
*Nesting is totally a thing. I am fascinated and maybe a little bit disturbed by how determinedly my brain is focused on preparing for the arrival of Bear. I have always been a clutterbug, despite my love of hygienic spaces, and have never before minded a stack of papers here or there (or everywhere). So long as I was sure the food prep surfaces were disinfected and my laundry was clean, I didn't care if anything was put away in its home (because maybe that chair is its home?). I am not neat. But now that I am in my last trimester, I am obsessed both with cleanliness AND with organization.
Also to note: in my 31st week we painted our room (which we'll be sharing with Bear) and now it feels like forever ago. I will have to post pictures of my pregnant self up on a ladder freaking out the neighbors and my parents. For the record: we used zero VOC paint by Behr (for Bear!), which was very low odor while wet, and within 24 hours it smelled like nothing. And looked. Amazing.
Chicken eggplant bucket
Abstract:
Easy nutritious dinner with pressure cooking.
Recipe:
two whole chicken breasts (amish freerange) cut up into smaller chunks
2 eggplants
2 boxes of button mushrooms
3 shallots
4 dashes dried rosemary
some olive oil
How I made it this time:
three whole chicken breasts (amish freerange)
one eggplant
one box of button mushrooms
three shallots
4 dashes dried rosemary
some olive oil
Rinse pressure cooker bucket (I always do this with mixing bowls, pots, pans, and glassware to make sure there's no dust or soap in there. a habit leftover from lab work). Always use cold cold water from the tap (if distilled, doesn't matter).
Wash eggplant in a vinegar water solution to get the pesticides off. Chunk eggplant (so much easier than slicing rounds) into 1"x2" pieces. Put in pressure cooker bucket.
add olive oil and rosemary to bucket, shake around.
peel shallots, chunk and throw in bucket.
Rinse dirt off mushrooms. drop in bucket. Shake bucket around.
Rinse chicken breasts. Shove to bottom of bucket, underneath all vegetables. (As a rule, I try to handle raw meats last, because I never know how long handling the veggies will take due to weird tap water temperatures or something else equally stupid, and I don't want the raw meats hanging out at room temp. And that's how we avoid food poisoning!)
Sprinkle some more rosemary on top for good measure.
Plug in, turn on pressure cooker to high pressure, 14 minutes. That means it'll take a while to get to pressure, then stay there for 14 minutes. I made this time interval up, since I've cooked eggplant in there before(11 minutes), and I've cooked chicken in there before(3 minutes each side sautee, then 9 minutes to pressurecook), but never together, and the bucket was almost full to start. Better safe than sorry, I added a few minutes, and was pleased with the result, so... 14min it is!
While pressure cooker is doing its thing, boil some distilled water in a rinsed pot for pasta. I used al dente fiesta pasta because we had some left over and it takes 3 minutes to cook.
Plate pasta immediately after draining.
Careful with steam release and other pressure cooker quirks, when the bucket is done, take chicken and add to pasta plates. top with eggplant and mushrooms (the shallots will be partly dissolved and there will be a surprising amount of broth but I guess the eggplants release a lot of water). Add salt and or butter to taste.
It's satisfying and full of protein (so much protein!) and surprisingly flavorful.
Doing it again I'd use less chicken, and more eggplant, because eggplant is cheap and I usually aim for a lower meat to veggie ratio anyway, but we had to use up the chickens as they were leftover from a different cooking experiment and didn't want to leave them in the fridge for two more days.
Also, I made this thinking we'd add our favorite marinara sauce to the leftovers, and have a completely different meal. Variety is important.
How I'd do it next time:
two whole chicken breasts (amish freerange) cut up into smaller chunks
2 eggplants
2 boxes of button mushrooms
3 shallots
4 dashes dried rosemary
some olive oil
Easy nutritious dinner with pressure cooking.
Recipe:
two whole chicken breasts (amish freerange) cut up into smaller chunks
2 eggplants
2 boxes of button mushrooms
3 shallots
4 dashes dried rosemary
some olive oil
How I made it this time:
three whole chicken breasts (amish freerange)
one eggplant
one box of button mushrooms
three shallots
4 dashes dried rosemary
some olive oil
Rinse pressure cooker bucket (I always do this with mixing bowls, pots, pans, and glassware to make sure there's no dust or soap in there. a habit leftover from lab work). Always use cold cold water from the tap (if distilled, doesn't matter).
Wash eggplant in a vinegar water solution to get the pesticides off. Chunk eggplant (so much easier than slicing rounds) into 1"x2" pieces. Put in pressure cooker bucket.
add olive oil and rosemary to bucket, shake around.
peel shallots, chunk and throw in bucket.
Rinse dirt off mushrooms. drop in bucket. Shake bucket around.
Rinse chicken breasts. Shove to bottom of bucket, underneath all vegetables. (As a rule, I try to handle raw meats last, because I never know how long handling the veggies will take due to weird tap water temperatures or something else equally stupid, and I don't want the raw meats hanging out at room temp. And that's how we avoid food poisoning!)
Sprinkle some more rosemary on top for good measure.
Plug in, turn on pressure cooker to high pressure, 14 minutes. That means it'll take a while to get to pressure, then stay there for 14 minutes. I made this time interval up, since I've cooked eggplant in there before(11 minutes), and I've cooked chicken in there before(3 minutes each side sautee, then 9 minutes to pressurecook), but never together, and the bucket was almost full to start. Better safe than sorry, I added a few minutes, and was pleased with the result, so... 14min it is!
While pressure cooker is doing its thing, boil some distilled water in a rinsed pot for pasta. I used al dente fiesta pasta because we had some left over and it takes 3 minutes to cook.
Plate pasta immediately after draining.
Careful with steam release and other pressure cooker quirks, when the bucket is done, take chicken and add to pasta plates. top with eggplant and mushrooms (the shallots will be partly dissolved and there will be a surprising amount of broth but I guess the eggplants release a lot of water). Add salt and or butter to taste.
It's satisfying and full of protein (so much protein!) and surprisingly flavorful.
Doing it again I'd use less chicken, and more eggplant, because eggplant is cheap and I usually aim for a lower meat to veggie ratio anyway, but we had to use up the chickens as they were leftover from a different cooking experiment and didn't want to leave them in the fridge for two more days.
Also, I made this thinking we'd add our favorite marinara sauce to the leftovers, and have a completely different meal. Variety is important.
How I'd do it next time:
two whole chicken breasts (amish freerange) cut up into smaller chunks
2 eggplants
2 boxes of button mushrooms
3 shallots
4 dashes dried rosemary
some olive oil
Monday, May 7, 2012
Hello world
First post (no pressure)
I've made this blog to document my experiences and thoughts on the end of my first pregnancy and the beginning of my adventures in motherhood.
Should you continue to read, please anticipate:
-thoughts on the liminal state that is pregnancy (and infancy!)
-commentary and links to research that I've found interesting
-lists of dangerous or safe products, and my decision-making process on protecting my family from modern hazards while promoting resilience (somehow)
-pretty things
I've made this blog to document my experiences and thoughts on the end of my first pregnancy and the beginning of my adventures in motherhood.
Should you continue to read, please anticipate:
-thoughts on the liminal state that is pregnancy (and infancy!)
-commentary and links to research that I've found interesting
-lists of dangerous or safe products, and my decision-making process on protecting my family from modern hazards while promoting resilience (somehow)
-pretty things
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